First Day

You guys, today was the day that I sent my sweet and handsome babies off to Kindergarten. I’d been dreading this day for a while now, totally expecting the worst. I even had a minor cryfest in Kohls this summer when my husband called to tell me the school they were going to, so yeah, not super rational over here. This was actually going to happen.

It doesn’t take much to make me an emotional mess over these things. Plus, when you factor in the pregnancy hormones, I could’ve pretty much guaranteed that I would have a day date with a pint of Ben and Jerrys. But you know what? It actually hasn’t been that bad.

We have been so busy getting everything ready for school to start: new backpacks and lunch boxes, new shoes, school supplies and a mountain of paperwork to fill out. I think I’ve allowed myself to be so distracted by all of that that it hasn’t totally set in.

This morning went so smoothly too, unlike most mornings when I would take them to daycare. They were super excited and up early, all jittery and giddy from nerves and anticipation. This would be the first time in their five years that they’ve been separated all day. We decided to put them in separate classes so that they could essentially learn to survive on their own. They rely so much on each other, yet their personalities and interests are so different, so we wanted them to be able to be more independent without worrying what the other one was doing.

I think the hardest part of all of this is just learning to adapt to everything. We are now governed by the school system, getting them somewhere on time, not missing school, getting them to activities and volunteering, plus eventually helping with homework. I honestly don’t’ know how people balance it all and still get their kids to bed on time. Plus, with the baby coming, I’m sure our life is headed for even more chaos. At least we have a few more months to get into a routine before throwing in another curveball!

Anyways, for all you mommas that sent your babes off to school, I’m thinking of you too! We can do this.

And for you seasoned moms, please share your advice for learning to balance and do all the things. I’m sure I can take whatever I can get.





Somewhere in the middle

IMG_2877 (1)When I started this blog back in January, I had all of these grand plans of posting consistently and obviously that didn’t happen, because, life… But, I want to do better and share more. It’s therapeutic, in a way, to share life’s stories with others and know that we’re all going through pretty much the same thing. Motherhood can be hard, y’all, so let’s go through this together.

I’ve been struggling a bit lately since my sweet J + O turned five back in June. I know it’s cliche, but all I can think about is where has the time gone? It just went by so fast. I honestly can barely remember what they were like as babies, or even a time before the topics of pee and poop monopolized the conversation in this house. They just look so…big. Their faces that were once so round and chunky are now thinning out. They have the longest arms and legs and have already outgrown shirts from earlier in the spring. There’s also a change in the way they talk too. They’re developing a fantastic sense of humor, which brings me so much joy. I was lucky to be raised in a house with lots of laughter and even some practical jokes here and there, so I’m so happy to see them start to pick up on that. Laughter is so important and seeing and hearing them learn new things reminds me again of what it’s like to be a little kid.

All of these things make me so happy yet sometimes it feels so unfamiliar and even sometimes a little sad. On vacation a couple of weeks ago, I spent time on the beach with just Jack. I watched him quietly as he stood for the longest time, just staring into the ocean. The sun was starting to set and it cast the perfect shadow of a smaller version of him. This struck me in a weird way because it seemed to capture how I’ve been feeling. Here I have these boys that will be starting kindergarten in just a few weeks, but I still see them as my little boys. I’m not quite ready for them to grow up just yet.

It seems that we’re all a little stuck somewhere in the middle. There are still nights when they will say, “Momma, will you lay with me?” or “Will you rock me?” And you know what? A lot of times I say yes. Even when I’m exhausted and even when I have a super long to-do list, I say yes. They climb up into my lap and barely even fit and I rock them for just a few minutes. It seems like that’s all they need and then they can relax and fall asleep. I know that soon they will probably stop asking, so I try to soak it in as much as I can for now and hope and pray that the next five years pass a lot more slowly.




This is Real Life

After what feels like a very long day, when the kids are finally in bed, I sit down hoping for a moment to myself. Just a few minutes to waste looking at Instagram, Facebook and a little Pinterest; anything that doesn’t require me to actually think. As I scroll through all of the posts, I notice how many of the pictures are of mommas and their babies, beautifully dressed, posing in their pristine homes, smiling for the cameras. Everything looks so perfect.

Then I glance at my living room at the disaster that has just occurred. There’s a broken toy crane truck, stickers, puzzle pieces, two suitcases from a pretend vacation adventure and the remains of a Ninja Turtle lair (or blankets draped over three chairs). There’s also two holes in the wall where a ‘pillow’ ripped out the curtain tie back. At least that’s the version of the story that I was told. And that’s just to name the first few items that I spot.

Yeah, this is real life…

I’m in my outfit of choice: yoga pants and a ponytail, with circles under my eyes (my new permanent accessory, even after four years of motherhood).

I start to wonder, what am I doing wrong that all of these other mommas are doing right? Why isn’t my house ever clean? Why don’t I wear pants anymore that don’t have an elastic band? Why do my children never actually smile at the camera unless bribed? What is that smell?

And then I shut my computer. Those blogs are not real life. They can’t be.

That’s when I decided that I wanted to start a blog of my own. One that portrays how mommas (and dads) actually feel, or at least everyone that I know. We are so hard on ourselves all the time, and for what? Our kids are not going to remember half the stuff that we think should be important right now (you know, like brushing their teeth and not looking homeless when they show up to daycare). But they are going to remember the stuff that matters. The crafts that you made and the ninja battles that you participated in. Not every moment will be picture perfect.

Ready for battle

So here it is. My story for you so that you know you’re not doing it wrong (or if you are, we’re all doing it wrong together). I hope you’ll stick around. This is the real story of motherhood.